Today once again I confirmed what I've been knowing in a long time: I have to break up with him,
I found this article "10 signs you are not into him" I have seven!!!! And today I used one more...for the 100th time I lied to him and this time it wasn't even a big lie (that's the worst part) it was not a lie to be able to go out with some guy or to hide something from him. I lied because I didn't want to talk to him. I can't hide how sad he makes by not loving me. His love is so cold that breaks me.
I never thought I would say someone's love hurt me, I thought someone not loving would do it; but I guess not being loved as I would like to is just as bad or even worse.
I spent all afternoon (while he was connected and I was supossedly at a family get together) reading letters and old mails and text messages of boy I and boy II and I could remember how happy I was, how happy those little things made me. I can still remeber how everytime boy III rang my phone (yes rang not even called) the world was a better place.
I don't know if it has something to do with age and that almost 10 years ago I was much more idealistic and believed in walt disney - movie love but I find sad that he (boy IV) is making me not believe in perfect love anymore.
I should be in love, with someone who would give his life for me (maybe not in real but in a romantic way), some who could not live without me and who would say it, someone who couldn't wait for us to be together not someone who's waiting for us to be together to see what's next.
It makes me sad because I loved him so much and everyday drop by drop I'm loving him less and he loves me so little he doesn't even realize he's loosing me.
Maybe today is the day...we'll wait for fate.
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Feeling: bruised
Listening: Bruises - Chairlift exactly how I felt all the time with him
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