Can you hear me????

rosiehardy

"There are times when life calls out for a change. A transition. Like the seasons. Our spring was wonderful, but summer is over now and we missed out on autumn. And now all of a sudden, it's cold, so cold that everything is freezing over. Our love fell asleep, and the snow took it by surprise. But if you fall asleep in the snow, you don't feel death coming".

My (last) letter

Nowhere, December 1st

Amor, 

You were so unexpect as I always knew the best things in life are, you came to me as an easy, simple breeze and stayed there; when I had already given up on you, even before trying. You were the one who made me go an step forward and look how far we've come? I got to love you faster and stronger than ever before, I've given you more than I thought I was ready to give.

I never pictured myself with someone so different to me, but in you I found the calm I normally don't have, the silence I need, the reason I lack, the innocence I lost, the faith I sought, the protection I wanted; you gave so many things I didn't know I was missing and which made me a better person. 

But our differences pushed me away too,  there where so many times when I could feel your rejection, so many times I could feel you put a wall between us and the wounds haven't healed yet. A wall you couldn't or didn't wanted to explain, a wall I hit every time I tried to get closer to you. 

Now I'm tired, I'm tired of you not seeing me, tired of you ignoring me, tired of you letting me believe there's something wrong with me when maybe there's something wrong with "us". And just when I was questioning "us" you lie to my face, that was enough, I gave up on you right there. 

I couldn't hide it, it was broken; there was not loving little me anymore, I didn't want to talk to you, I didn't want to see you and this is just the next step. You don't let me love you and I'm not strong enough to keep fighting anymore. 

I haven't stopped loving you, that's why it's so hard to leave you; but sometimes I wonder if I can be happy with someone who treats me like I am "a perfectly normal human being". 

This is my last screaming I hope you can hear me.

Your answer:  "I can´t hear you, I can see you" 

;-) Ganaste!

_________________________________________________________

Feeling: Expectating

Listening to:  We are all in the dance - Feist (  la inspiración)

I can feel it draining out of me

*northern starº

Today once again I confirmed what I've been knowing in a long time: I have to break up with him, 

I found this article "10 signs you are not into him" I have seven!!!! And today I used one more...for the 100th time I lied to him and this time it wasn't even a big lie (that's the worst part) it was not a lie to be able to go out with some guy or to hide something from him. I lied because I didn't want to talk to him. I can't hide how sad he makes by not loving me. His love is so cold that breaks me. 

I never thought I would say someone's love hurt me, I thought someone not loving would do it; but I guess not being loved as I would like to is just as bad or even worse.

I spent all afternoon (while he was connected and I was supossedly at a family get together) reading letters and old mails and text messages of boy I and boy II and I could remember how happy I was, how happy those little things made me. I can still remeber how everytime boy III rang my phone (yes rang not even called) the world was a better place. 

I don't know if it has something to do with age and that almost 10 years ago I was much more idealistic and believed in walt disney - movie love but I find sad that he (boy IV) is making me not believe in perfect love anymore.

I should be in love, with someone who would give his life for me (maybe not in real but in a romantic way), some who could not live without me and who would say it,  someone who couldn't wait for us to be together not someone who's waiting for us to be together to see what's next.

It makes me sad because I loved him so much and everyday drop by drop I'm loving him less and he loves me so little he doesn't even realize he's loosing me.

Maybe today is the day...we'll wait for fate.

__________________________________________________

Feeling: bruised

Listening: Bruises - Chairlift exactly how I felt all the time with him

Una confensión del "yo" q muy pocos conocen (como diría Niño I y en instantáneas)

`twnklmoon

Parece q tengo una manía por perseguir lo q se me escapa, esa afición por lo imposible q en ocasiones puede ser muy buena (me hace perseverar hasta el final) pero me hace también no dejar que el pasado sea lo que es: PASADO.

Una vez creí q estando sola (lejos de todo lo conocido) maduraría, y que mis extrañas manías desaparecían; lo único q descubrí es q no me gusta madurar

Pensé q la distancia borraba recuerdos, y sólo hace q muchos otros vuelvan (en los momentos menos oportunos e inesperados) como pedazos de un sueño que al despertar no podía recordar pero q al contraponerse a la realidad volvieron sin dificultad alguna.

Me arrepiento muy poco, no es mi fuerte arrepentirme trato mas bien de aprender de mis errores y a lo hecho...pecho

Me enamoro rápido, de todo; pero no sé mantenerme en ese estado.

Invento caparazones para ser feliz (Niño I lo dijo una vez en forma más poetica pero asi lo dije yo) 

A pesar de todo lo q recorrí, todavía tengo tanto miedo como cuando empecé. Quien puede decir en realidad cuando empezamos y cuando terminamos?

Sigo recordando tanto a las personas q no puedo (o no quiero olvidarlas), sigo siendo tan infantil (diferente de inmadura) como siempre (para algunos es más una virtud q un defecto)

Se q no te puedes escapar de ti, ni cambiando de continente; siempre tienes q volver y al volver todo vuelve 

Me gusta ser yo, con todas mis preguntas sin respuesta y mis pensamientos a 1000 x hora

Soy feliz pero la sociedad me ha enseñado a no contentarme con nada entonces no soy feliz sólo soy contradictoria.

_________________________________________________________

Feeling: Curious

Listening: Wishlist - Pearl Jam (sólo para no olvidar)